Communities of Ones
Like some others in the discussion, I do feel a need to say a few final words on the Old Guard (HBS) versus deconstructionist battle in the transgender community, and then move on. I am undecided about any further participation in anything trans, beyond this post.
It’s clear that resolution is impossible; the majority remains entrenched — and judging by the volume of responses that I’ve seen, it is in fact the HBS / Old Guard are that majority, at least among transsexuals. But to me, the question was always whether people can set aside the hostilities enough to work for the betterment of all the community, or remain wrapped up in those differences. This has been met with total indifference. I no longer believe that the community even wants to work together.
The olive branch I’ve extended on my own behalf was very real, despite having been recently burned by Old Guard / HBS sentiment myself… but that offer of putting aside differences has gone completely unacknowledged, in favour of further divisive scorn.
I wish to be clear on something: I have taken the time to educate myself about many of the sub-communities in the transgender spectrum (by getting to know people in those sub-communities, rather than distancing myself from them), and strongly believe that there is much overlap in communal needs and also in the genesis of what drives us — although more needs to be learned, on a scientific level as well as on the social plane. I use “transgender” in the modern, all-encompassing sense of the term, rather than any now-irrelevant historic one.
And as a transsexual myself (although I know that there are those who will always believe that I cannot possibly be anything other than a male-bodied fetishist, in spite of all evidence to the contrary), I support the rights of transsexuals, and do not see how they’ve been turned over to some other agenda (there seems to be some duplicity on this point from the Old Guard, in which it’s asserted that the community has been taken over by non-transsexual people and that TS issues are being left by the wayside, but then it’s later claimed that non-TS people are pretending to speak for them…. you can’t have it both ways). But as I see it, the transgender community continues to advocate for transsexuals, and will continue to do so whether HBS-brand transsexuals wish any association or not. There is strength in numbers — and like it or not, a unified community is better positioned to accomplish lasting change than those who wish to carve the community up and advocate rights for only a small privileged, arrogant slice of it.
Not to mention that the most disenfranchised of the community still need us, and I’m not keen on anything that suggests that people should be left behind.
A Question of Respect
There is still that fine line between distinguishing oneself and elevating oneself by putting down another.
I’ve said it before: it is fair to distinguish oneself in order to educate others about who you are and dispel any myths. However, the right to distinguish should also be tempered with a choice to respect and even support (if not try to understand) others in the trans sphere, even when one does not agree with them. And in my experience, you also tend to learn things you never expected to, about yourself, others, and the world around you.
This too remains unacknowledged by the HBS crowd.
The funny thing about respect is that in order to maintain it, you also have to be willing to give it.
Some Disagreements
Diplomacy is sometimes speaking contrary to those you tend to respect (or even censoring, in one case), in order to remain as balanced, objective and neutral as possible. And that’s why I’ve sometimes had comments for people on both sides of the debate. One such disagreement with regards to the deconstructionists:
Those who identify as “WBT” no longer see themselves as being a transsexual, stating that “surgery made me female.” They can identify however they like, but if all the facts are taken into account, SRS/GRS/SAS cannot make any male-born individual into a female. It’s just not biologically possible. (I don another layer of Kevlar.) In a 1000 years, an anthropologist will lay out the bones of a WBT and say, “Male, age . . . Oh, wait, this was a Woman Born Transsexual. My bad.” Yeah, right. — Monica Helms, “Gender Fundamentalists”
Although GRS won’t fix some of the negative effects of androgens, including skeletal structure, I do think that transition (usually including GRS but not always having to) can give one more than enough right to the title “woman” (or “man,” in the case of FTMs). When we look at the most extreme definitions of male and female, it’s true that we’d fall short… but then, so would a lot of people who’ve lived those genders since birth and never questioned them — and that’s leaving out traditional roles and expectations, which would further grey the landscape. The human lot is not a perfectly-defined one, but a diverse range of imperfections that we all have to try to make the best of. And it is not impacted in our lifetime by what anthropologists may conclude, it is impacted by our behaviour in contemporary society.
(However, one thing I’ve found about disagreeing with the “deconstructionists” — defined by HBS women as anyone in the trans community who is not an HBS woman — is that I can disagree and still have mutual respect and a willingness to work together. Funny, that.)
And on the other side, still making wide, sweeping, exaggerated and inflammatory judgments (”They walk, talk, act like men, often dress outlandishly and then wonder why they have problems. They push themselves into women’s space using the most alpha male, privileged behaviour imaginable and then scream foul when they are not accepted by anyone as women….“) to justify excluding people and throwing them to the religious right bonfire, are what I call the Old Guard, although they prefer HBS (Harry Benjamin Syndrome) or WBT (Women Born Transsexual):
There is nothing wrong with non ops as long as they don’t then claim to be transsexual because if they want to keep a penis (as opposed to cannot get the op) they are not transsexual and they do not have anything in common with someone who is. Respecting this difference is the issue, not who is more legitimate or anything else. If you have not walked in the shoes of someone who was driven to bring mind and body into congruence it is downright wrong to claim you are just like them, you aren’t. — Cat Kisser, “Real Transbigotry”
I have walked in the shoes of someone who was driven to bring mind and body into congruence, and have (perhaps temporarily) chosen to forego surgery despite that need, in order to better understand trans existence and (on a spiritual level) my purpose for having been born as I am. HBS has no allowance for this, as Cat clearly restates with no room for exception. For a transphobic transsexual (sorry, “woman of transsexual history”) to continue to insist that I deserve no place in her sphere, I see no reason to continue beating my head against a wall or to continue caring. There was some track record there that I could perhaps respect, but the current attitudes being volleyed speak louder.
It boggles my mind that people who loudly proclaim that their class should be the only portion of a community considered valid, eligible for legal protections and worthy of entry into sacred spaces, can then turn around and declare that people who are upset about being left out of the equation are undesirables and bigots for feeling that way (funny, isn’t that the same thing we’re seeing from the Barney Franks and the Chris Crains out there?). I refuse to live a moment of my life as male, will never be accepted in society as female (or at least shouldn’t ever be, in the eyes of HBS transfeminists — I haven’t yet had any troubles with biologically-assigned females, including those who know my biological status), and am once again not wanted by the transsexuals in whose footsteps I’ve come. Is it any wonder that I would cumulatively feel more kinship and empathy with the people that the transsexual community deems misfits and undesirables?
A Few Final Thoughts
Regarding the “deconstructionist takeover” and HBS exodus, I don’t see a whole lot of people leaving from any one particular side, so much as a whole bunch of people leaving from all sides, sick of the bullets flying in all directions. In some parts of the continent, Old Guard still rules the roost and still fights for division and exclusion, in the form of rights for only those transsexuals who meet certain standards.
And:
No Medical Professional or Therapist is going to back a Syndrome based on subectivity, hate and prejudice. In fact the (AMA) American Medical Association, just wrote a document banning prejudice against those with gender Identity and Transgender issues. Doctors will not discriminate to validate HBS as written. — Laura Amato, “Laura’s Harry Benjamin Syndrome HBS: A Peer Review”
And:
Although the brouhaha that has erupted in the time since “Transbigotry?” illustrates the point of that article precisely, this has been by no means a one-issue debate.
It’s time for all of us, pre, post and non-op transpeople to take a deep breath, go to our neutral corners, chill out, realize that the Reichers hate all of us and work to codify civil rights protections for ‘errbody’ in the community. — Monica Roberts, “It’s a White Transwoman Thang”
And:
My apologies to Marti and the folks at Bilerico. I do not speak for anyone at Transadvocate or Bilerico, never professed to speak for a majority of the community and will not speak any further for anyone in the community but myself. We are apparently all just Communities of Ones.
It’s time for this one to move on.
(crossposted to Transadvocate)

It would be truly tragic if you were to remove yourself from the podium entirely. It is the resurfacing of voices like yours that gave me the strength to drag myself out of a very dark place and try to stand again and be counted.
I am terribly sorry that your own voice was so easily buried under the onslaught of trivia and spite that boils up around the knees of anyone that sets foot in this domain.
I have long since given up on any idea of “community”, however, and think that it is a chimera. There is “alliance”, and I think that has to be enough.
[...] They bury everything in nattering shit, escalate every interaction to furious insanity, and drive truly feeling people back off into the grey, quiet hinterlands… away from the shrieking, mocking and tearing at [...]
I think your point about respect is a really important one, not only in the transsexual/transgender issue, but also on other issues like ENDA and alliances. It’s really hard to give that respect when your adversaries are so obviously wrongheaded and meanspirited, and the stakes are so high, but maybe that’s the time it’s most needed. Thanks for the blog — been enjoying it.
The thing with the HBS people is they choose to stand behind the statement that “srs corrects your anatomy” rather than the one that “you don’t need a vagina to be a woman”. When other transwomen invoke the artificial nature of a neovagina, the HBS people protest vehemently, and never forget to be appalled at the deadly insult. But, you know, if you put the two together- “a surgically constructed vagina is not a real vagina” and/but “you don’t need a vagina to be female”, there’s really no harm done and nobody is trying to take away anyone’s womanhood, even as traditional gender is being deconstructed.
But then, of course, accepting that you can be a woman without a vagina blurs the lines and then it’s hard to establish a hierarchy. I mean, sorry, you have good intentions and all, wanting to bring everyone together, but the heart of the matter is that both the Old Guard transsexuals and the rest of the transgendered movement are constantly trying to elbow each other out of the way, just to be on top of the (entirely imaginary) “food chain”. What you’re trying to do is bring cliques together
As an afterthought, I’d like to (gently) dispute a premise:
I don’t believe, either that the Old Guard are in the majority, or that they represent the interests of “true transsexuals” as they claim. They are a persistent, militant minority with very narrow ideological concerns that have little to do with the lives of transsexuals as I’ve come to know them/us.
unfortunately, no matter how we divide ourselves as a group, the world will still see us as the same - homosexual men. and to me, that’s why we are, despite what our own feelings may be, a part of the greater lgbt community. working together can only strengthen our position.
I used to get terribly upset over this age old battle.
One day while standing in the checkout line at the grocery store I took a good look around. It was then I realized 99% of the world doesn’t know or care about any of this.
When the day is done the only people that continue to fuel this fire are those that live to see things burn. I prefer not to be one of them.
[...] She’s absolutely right, of course. Online debate is the literal “tempest in a teapot,” especially when most of those involved in it are not involved in anything else relevant to the topic. This is something that people who care about me keep reminding me, whenever I get too caught up, and confuse the screen with the world. [...]
I’m a crossdresser. I’m fine with the notion of ‘transgender’ but I don’t mind how people Identify themselves. I do get upset when I’m considered the worlds worst when my activities and inner nature is entirely ethical. I don’t hate anyone, I’ve not thrown insults at anyone. I believe in universal rights and I fight for everyone’s rights. That doesn’t seem so difficult to me. And if everyone deserves equal rights then everyone should logically defend and fight for everyone elses rights. Again it seems so simple to me.
So some people don’t want to be included under some terms, well there is one that’s inescapable: Human. And it comes with rights and responsibilities. So long as we are human (and if we uncover evidence of non-human sentience we may have to extend that even further) then we are all under the same umbrella irrespective of our differences.
Mercedes,
I enjoyed your articles at Bilerico, and I think if you stop now, the only people who benefit are the ones who most need to get over their “More trans than thou” attitude. You have been through transition, and you should know the first rule is to develop a thick skin, and the second is to develop a sense of humor.
In modern terminology, the word transgender means those who do not conform to, or those who transgress the gender normative roles they were assgined at birth. You will find the term is used by therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists for anyone ranging from cross dressers and drag queens, to transexuals. A transexual can deny being transgendered all they want, but that isn’t going to make a bit of difference to an examining psychiatrist or therapist. It is all hiearchial BS, a holier than thou type attitude which is balkanizing our community.
If you give up speaking out, then those who seek to split us apart have another victory.
keep the flags flying, we need articulate people like you to speak out, and give voice where so many others lack one.
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
This article, is dedicated to the memory of my beautiful Mom,
who passed away from this life, to the next, on December 5, 2007.
Her Wisdom, Inspiration, and Unconditional Love, will remain in my heart, forever!
Nita Gordon
11/18/1922 - 12/ 05/2007
It was in February of 1949, during a snowstorm, I’ve been told, that the first Grandson, and Son, was born to the Levy, & Gordon clan.
Mom, was trying to hold me back, since she wanted me born on the “22nd,” George Washington’s Birthday.
I had different plans, and wanted a Birthday of my own.
The event of my birth, as the first “Boy,” in the family, set into motion, a variety of elated emotions, from both my Grandparents, and Parents.
Growing up during the fifties, wasn’t so bad, except for one troubling aspect of my life.
At the age of 5, I knew that I felt “kinda different,” but not quite sure why.
During this time, I was transfixed (no pun intended) on the physical anatomy of my 2 sisters, somehow confused of why mine wasn’t like theirs.
By the age of 7, my family made frequent trips up to Mahopac, NY, where my Grandparents(on Mom’s side) had a summer home.
We all looked forward to this trip, since it meant fun filled day’s of fishing, swimming, raspberry picking, and the best treat of all, ice cream with chocolate sprinkles, after spending the day at the lake.
The bedroom my sister’s and me slept in, accommodated all the children in the family, when it was their turn to spend a couple of weeks at “Grandma’s summer home.”
It wasn’t too soon, making sure no one was around, that I began opening the various draws and closet in the communal bedroom.
Being extremely careful, and stealth, I discovered an entirely “new” world for self exploration, as I picked up, and eventually tried on, various forms of female apparel.
This was the beginning of a fantasy life, that was my “secret,” for approximately the next 45 years.
After years of rummaging through these clothes, when ever we went to Mahopac, I had to begin to figure out, how I was to continue my “secret,” after the house was sold, due to my Grandfathers passing, and Grandmother’s declining health.
I managed to remove a few articles of clothing, that I found to be very satisfying, hiding them in my room, at our families house, in upstate NY.
This scenario of stealth, euphoria, paranoia, turmoil, confusion, and fright, was my companion, right up until the time I got married, in 1978.
It was at that time I first told my Ex, before we took our vow’s, that I crossdressed rather frequently.
I could not, in all honesty, get married without telling her of my desire to wear woman’s clothes.
She accepted my explanation, and thanked me for being truthful.
After a few years into our marriage, after conducting extensive research, which I continue to this day, I began informing her of my desire to transition to female, eventually opting for Gender Corrective Surgery.
It was the beginning of the end, for any constructive intimacy, and my personal spiral into a world of desperation, frustration, fear, and depression. I attempting to take my own life, twice, before we separated, and the inevitable divorce, after 22 years of marriage.
I try to empathically suggest, to crossdressing males, who are in a serious relationship, the importance of being up front, and honest to their partner, about their “extra curricular activities.”
Honesty and the truth, regardless of the outcome, is better than living a lie, then getting caught.
99.9% of the time, this leads to extreme bitterness, distrust, embarrassment, and worst of all, trying to explain why Mommy and Daddy are getting a divorce.
If not for the respect of your partner, including one’s own personal selfishness, be very aware of the negative impact and effect, on your children.
The reason I titled this article, “Unconditional Love,” was in reference to the remarkable relationship that I had with my parents, after telling them of my decision to Transition from Male to Female, and have Gender Corrective Surgery.
When the terrifying moment came for me to come out to my Mom and Dad, I had them “guess” what I came to urgently tell them.
After a few grueling minutes of guessing if I was, “gay, terminally ill, having AIDS, and/or murdered anyone, my Mom finally said, “The only other thing I can think of is, you want to be a woman.”
As soon as she said that, over 45 years of tears came flooding forth, ending what I had felt were years of self exile, incredibly suppressed inner turmoil, anger, frustration, embarrassment, etc., etc…..
As the years passed, from that excruciating “Coming Out Day” in the early summer of 1999, my journey to finally become the gender I should have been born as, was getting easier.
Nevertheless, I began to saturate my mind with everything I could get my hands on, concerning Gender Identity and Transsexualism, broadening my knowledge, and sharing it along the way.
There are numerous stories to tell, throughout my pre and post op experiences, encompassing every member of my family, some good, and others not so good.
However, in the long of it, the positive simply outweighed the negative, as both my parents, adored, and loved me, as their child, and “New” Daughter, with my most valued possession, their “Unconditional Love!”
This is why, I have dedicated the remainder of my life, as a passionate crusade, by helping those who are experiencing a Gender Identity Crisis in their lives, as well as many of the unknown factors effecting their families, friends, and fellow workers.
Considering that an option for Suicide is possible, when those who are rejected by their families, and society, because of fear, bias, discrimination, hate, and unprogressive thinking, I welcome every opportunity to Educate anyone, who reaches out, and asks for help.
Parents, must continue to love their children, Unconditionally, rather than discard and/or dismiss them, when faced with this particular misunderstood anomaly of nature.
Love, Peace, Unequivocal Equality & Solidarity ~
Mekah Gordon, Ph.D., L. E.
[...] info to “Walking Through the Valley of Shadows,” and there was an important article by Mekah Gordon, Ph.D., L. E. that should be read as a standalone, rather than a sub-comment to “Communities of [...]
“I have walked in the shoes of someone who was driven to bring mind and body into congruence, and have (perhaps temporarily) chosen to forego surgery despite that need, in order to better understand trans existence and (on a spiritual level) my purpose for having been born as I am. HBS has no allowance for this, as Cat clearly restates with no room for exception.”
I am searching for a way to say this in a way that does not inflick pain. I think you are a nice person and an extremely good writer and I think you are a unifying force in your community.
I totally do not understand you. Why would someone want to have a penis? I think your movement does so much damage to transexuals. Ttansexuals are not interested in the endless gender baths of the trans movement. You speak of how someone is seen and the responsibility for that lies squarely on the shoulders of the trans movement. You have obliterested an entire people and this obliteration has been carried out in the most male fashion.
It seems so shallow to look at a vagina as “artificail” after they are flesh and blood and part of of someone. But any form of male self righteousness and ego-centricity will do.