Go corporate. Incorporate yourself.
The US Supreme Court’s decision on Citizens United has opened up the possibility because, well, corporations are people too, now. Sound crazy?
Methodist Pastor Rich Lang officiated the ceremony (which is available on YouTube), and delivered his sermon with satiric aplomb:
“We gather knowing that the love that binds them together will end in the grief and tragedy of Angela’s mortal death even as Corporate Person lives on marrying again and again with the adoration and support of shareholders world-wide. But today we celebrate this moment, this consummation of ecstasy and attraction. We celebrate these bonds of affection as Corporate Person with stony indifference evokes yet another merger of yet another possession — this one, like others before her and others that will come after, beautiful, unique and highly desired … full of potential and full of hope. Angela of flesh, blood and bone offers herself to Corporate Person as yet another object to be used, abused and cast away when no longer profitable….”
Same sex marriage? Illegal. Corporate marriage? Okay.
I said earlier that there is a caveat. As it turns out, Corporate Person was incorporated only a month and a half ago. Cameron Satterfield, a spokesperson for the Department of Executive Services, has pointed out that: “You have to be 18 to be legally married in the State of Washington.” So you’d still need to legally establish your date of birth as happening at your birth, rather than the date of incorporation.
There’s also been some subsequent backpedaling to say that the marriage application was accepted in error, but the legal reasoning isn’t given.
So it’s worth a try.
Barring that, I hear Apple Inc. is single. And loaded.
And Bain Capital might want to watch out for all those divested holdings coming back for alimony.
Either way though, it turns out that in the end it’s not LGBT people who are likely to redefine marriage in America, but the 1%. But why not, if it’s in the name of buying a President?